California is at it again. I know it’s not a surprise, but it should be an absolute heartbreak for every last American.
This time, the Orange County Department of Education has decided that their sex-ed class is mandatory. There is no opt-out allowed for reasons of conscience or disagreement.
“We know what your child needs. You don’t.”
That is what they are saying. Parents don’t have a voice. This isn’t a small over-reach. This is gigantic, and it should be cause for panic.
I work with children and adolescents. Sexuality among the young is a hot topic. Not only is it hot, but let’s be honest, children know far too much about sex these days.
They know vocabulary words that would make a sinner blush. They know and have tried sexual positions that most retirees have never heard of or even imagined. They have seen more pornography at an early age than most have seen in a lifetime. If there is something to be known about sex, ask a teen. They can tell you about it. Their information may not be entirely accurate, but they’ve got the goods. I promise they do.
What they can’t tell you is the painful impact of their early sexual promiscuity on their relationship journey. They have no idea what respect looks like in a relationship. They don’t understand that sexual experiences and images cannot be unseen. They can’t fathom that their brain locks away sexual images in a file that is destructive to future sexual relationships. They don’t have the capacity to consider their partner’s needs.
Often, they can’t say no. They aren’t ready for the possibility of pregnancy or disease. They believe that the act of sex is relationship security, which it never is. They are unable to understand their own emotions and have not learned the art of self-control. There is no understanding of fidelity, and they go through partners like a baby goes through diapers. They are not emotionally ready for the sexual experiences and knowledge that they possess.
These precious adolescents have brains that are not fully developed, yet they are wading into war zones that leave them emotionally bleeding and insecure.
California wants to force the “Adolescent Provider Toolkit” on its children in the name of education. The “toolkit” is the framework for this curriculum, and it is noxious.
It encourages the use of sex toys. It identifies vegetables and fruits that can be used if a sex toy is not available. It encourages abortion “if you are not ready to be a parent or go through a pregnancy” (pg. C-65). While there are some parts of the document that are important information for a teen, the toolkit is unbalanced and unhealthy. It provides too much information for young minds that are not ready to manage that same information.
It is not good for California, and it is not good for adolescents.
Children need some sexual education. To argue this fact would be utter foolishness. However, they need to hear this information from someone who cares about their heart. They need to be taught about sex by someone who gets them, and who is safe. Furthermore, they need the information about the act of sex, to be taught in the context of what relationship looks like. The two must go together so that sex is more than just an act.
Children and adolescents currently have access to MORE sexual information, images, and experiences, than they have ever had in all of history. Yet their sexual choices remain frivolous and unhealthy. As the amount of knowledge has risen, the amount of responsibility has dropped. If education was the solution, sexuality would no longer be an issue and teen pregnancy would be obliterated. Education isn’t the problem. By adding more and more information to the sexual vocabulary of teens, we are in fact, being abusive to them.
The solution needs to be one that focuses on relationship. Sex outside of a healthy relationship is just an orgasm. Without a healthy relationship, you can’t have good sex. That’s just how it works. You can have a good orgasm, but you can’t have a good relationship. Good orgasms are not what is lacking in our culture. Good relationships, however, are in high demand.
If we want to help teenagers learn about sex, let’s teach them what a healthy relationship looks like. How about we encourage abstinence so that they learn about self-control. Good sex requires things like commitment and faithfulness, forgiveness, selflessness, generosity, kindness, sacrifice and much more. Good sex is a lot more than a good orgasm.
If we want them to understand healthy relationships, we need to work on our marriages so that they can SEE a healthy relationship. Dads need to date their wives and daughters. Couples need to practice the very skills they want their children to learn. Mothers need to respect their husbands. Parents need to work out conflict in a healthy way. Role modeling healthy relationship is at the heart of good parenting and therefore is at the heart of sex education.
Instead of demanding a violating and aggressive sexual curriculum, how about we teach parents how to talk about sex with their children. Instead of forcing adolescents into more knowledge than they can handle, how about we teach them emotional regulation and self-control.
Sexual addiction is on the rise. Pornography is a multi-billion dollar business. You can’t argue with the fact that sexuality is confused these days and our children are the ones most wounded by the mess we have created.
Healthy sexuality is important. We can’t avoid the issue, or hide it under the rug. Our children are screaming for knowledge. They are desperate for relationships, and good role models, and we have not taught them well.
Children need sex education, we have simply given them the wrong kind.