By all means, folks, take today to celebrate.
I’m not going to be the online voice of somber reminiscence. I believe that we’re all adult enough to both celebrate and reflect on the meaning of Independence Day without someone adult-ing over us with a scornful look of virtuous viciousness. Today is the day that we, as a nation, took one of the boldest steps in human history, telling the world at that time that all are created equal, and that there are certain things that the laws of man should avoid attempting to corral.
Thus, America was born, and, quite frankly, we’ve been a world leader ever since.
As you rightfully, and without guilt, celebrate Independence Day today, there are no doubt certain common tropes that will be witnessed. Some good, some bad.
There will be plenty, and I mean plenty, of red, white, and blue clothing. While some of this is ostensibly inoffensive, you will find arguments about what constitutes “respect” when it comes to Old Glory.
The U.S. Flag Code says you’re not supposed to sell or display anything that has an image of the flag on it for advertising purposes.
The Flag Code isn’t enforceable by law. There’s no flag police. But it’s the official guideline for how people are supposed to treat the flag. You might think you’re being patriotic by wearing it on your shirt, but the Flag Code says it’s disrespectful.
Like with many things in such a liberty-laden land, there is some room for interpretation. The best way to tell if you’d be angering the ghost of Betsy Ross? If you’re asking yourself if what you’re doing is disrespectful, it probably is.
Of course, there will be some partying as well. Charcoal grills, pontoon boots, hot dogs, hamburgers, and, of course, the most American of beverages: Bourbon.
And, when it comes to bourbon, there is one American classic to reign supreme over them all: Basil Hayden’s.
I know, I know…you were expecting someone whose name started with a “J”, right? Hear me out:
The recipe used to produce this bourbon was first introduced to American lips in 1792…and guess who was our President in 1792?
Now, when it comes to lighter imbibing, I have a suggestion as well: No Budweiser or Miller products. Both of those corporations are now owned by offshore entities intent on crushing the American craft brewing industry, which is filled to the brim with working class men and women who are engaging in their communities and making a product that is both healthier and more economically patriotic than those sellouts.
“But craft beer tastes like bug spray, Andrew!”.
Not all of it!
If you’re a fan of the yellow, fizzy concoctions from Bud and Miller, try something like this:
Refreshing and light, but made in America, by Americans, with no money being sent to Belgium or South Africa as there would be with Bud or Miller, respectively.
Now, of course, there will be fireworks. And these fireworks have a way of frightening our four legged friends. In fact, every year, hundreds of animals are adversely affected by fireworks, being frightened into fleeing their homes and becoming lost…or worse.
With the widespread rediscovery of medical marijuana in America over the last two decades, new applications for which the plant is useful are being discovered everyday…
The Fourth of July is good fun for fireworks-loving humans. But for Stella, a 5-year-old pit bull mix, it feels like the end of the world.
Stella finds the noise of the fireworks so terrifying that “she pretty much spends the whole week in the bathtub,” her owner, Vlad, who declined to share his last name, tells The Post.
So this year, the Bushwick resident is trying a natural chill pill for his pup: CBD-infused dog treats.
“We bought them out of desperation, really,” he says.
Of course, the biggest question is…does it work?
Already they’ve noticed a huge difference: Instead of cowering in the tub, Stella can be found hanging out around her family, sometimes rolled over on her back, tail wagging.
Vlad’s been pleasantly surprised. “I was skeptical at first, but she’s way less intensely scared after she’s had the treats,” he says. “It’s not like she seems drugged. I can just tell that the anxiety doesn’t take hold like it usually does this time of year.”
Happy Independence Day, America. Be responsible, be respectful, and keep your furry friends safe.