Catholic Church

Pope Inexcusably Blames Satan for “Exposing” Pedophiles in Priesthood

Editorial credit: giulio napolitano /

I’m not sure if anyone has told the Vatican yet, so I’m going to go ahead and say it:  It’s time for a new PR person, and a total overhaul of your marketing strategy.

Here’s the problem, Catholicism:  You’ve been repeatedly outed as either a safe harbor for, or a systemic creator of, pedophilia.  The sheer magnitude of the accusations against the clergy in your employ is not only unacceptable, it is downright unforgivable, no matter what denomination you belong to.  This, folks, is the end of the line.

So, the first step in the plan to rejoin 21st century society seems to be “stop sexually abusing children”.  At this point, we’re not even sure if we can take your word on whether or not you’re truly committed to this goal or not…and I say that with little to no sarcasm, only cynicism.  It seems as though the Catholic Church is simply sick of getting caught…at least according to the latest pathetic and inexcusable response from Pope Francis.

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“In these times, it seems like the ‘Great Accuser’ has been unchained and is attacking bishops. True, we are all sinners, we bishops. He tries to uncover the sins, so they are visible in order to scandalize the people. The ‘Great Accuser,’ as he himself says to God in the first chapter of the Book of Job, ‘roams the earth looking for someone to accuse,’” Pope Francis said, according to an official report in Vatican news.

He added that in the current times, “the Great Accuser, has been let loose and he’s got it in for the bishops. True, there are, we are all sinners, we bishops.”

The “Great Accuser” is a reference to Satan first seen in the book of Job, in the Old Testament. Satan is there attempting to sow division by making false accusations of sin. Many faithful Catholics took the Pope’s word, however, as an attack on lay people seeking transparency from the Vatican, which is accused of covering for Bishops, Cardinals, and other clerics accused of sexual abuse over the course of at least four decades.

Concluding, it appears the Pope suggested Bishops consider the real victims of the sexual abuse scandals currently roiling the Church: the Bishops. The Devil, he said, “roams the world seeking how to blame. The strength of the bishop against the great accuser is prayer — his own and Jesus’, the humility to feel chosen and staying close to the people of God without heading toward an aristocratic life.”

And this is why the Vatican needs a new image:  Not only are they now blaming Satan for bringing this abuse to light, but they are doing so through their most prominent public figure in the High Pontiff.

To put this into perspective, this would be the same as impeaching Monica Lewinsky for her role in President Bill Clinton’s affair.


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