Obama’s Big Payoff for Kissing Up to Iran

Now that’s what John Kerry’s talking about.

The Obama Administration’s chief Pollyanna gave the Davos World Economic Forum a pep talk this week, listing all the reasons that amid looming economic collapse, rising terrorism and the specter of war that people should really be upbeat about the world’s future.

“We are not the prisoners of a predetermined future,” he said. “Change is occurring in our world for the better and it is occurring faster, moving faster than ever before.”

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Kerry cites a global increase in life expectancy, rising numbers of girls being educated, that Paris climate agreement and, oh yeah, the Iran deal that quote-unquote ended that country’s nuclear program.

In Paris, the world powers vowed to prevent the weather from just going all willy-nilly as it has been wont to do in the past and to keep that global warming under a couple of degrees above pre-Industrial levels.

The agreement doesn’t exactly explain which pre-Industrial level — the Medieval Warm Period, which was warmer than now, or the last Ice Age, or anything in between — but it’s obviously paying off quick dividends as sections of the East Coast are being buried under record levels of snow this week that have shut down Washington, D.C., to the great benefit of the entire country.

So that’s a plus.

The Iran agreement — similarly successful. Iran has vowed to continue it’s nuclear development and its long-term goal of destroying Israel. (That was the point of those talks, right?)

Plus, after capturing two of our Navy vessels and 10 of our sailors, humiliating them publicly in violation of the Geneva Convention, examining our boats for our latest military technology and castrating President Obama in front of the entire world on the night of his last State of the Union speech, Iran actually gave our military personnel back to us — all in exchange for a huge PR coup and a few billion dollars from the lifting of sanctions.

But that’s not even the best payoff or surest sign of the world becoming safer.

No, that came from Iran’s Supreme Leader Snoke — excuse me, I meant Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei — who downgraded us in a speech from “The Great Satan” to “The Great False Idol.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m touched. Kinda gets you right in the ol’ ticker.

Rest assured, we are still at the top of Iran’s list of enemies, but even our allies in Europe and elsewhere have been downgraded to “Secondary False Idols.”

So you see “Lieutenant Ketchup” Kerry was right, the world clearly is a safer place. Thanks to Supreme Leader Obama, instead of vowing to kill us with nuclear fire, Iran now promises to kill us quickly with nuclear fire.

Hey, it’s a step.

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