How Many False Nuclear Alarms Are We Going To Have This Month?!

The world has bene in the grips of fear over a possible North Korean nuclear attack for months, but the past 7 days have been absolutely terrifying for those earshot of the dainty dictator.

Kim Jong Un hates the United States, as did his father before him, and his father’s father, and so on and so forth, yada yada.  While Kim’s threats to nuke the entire American continent were long relegated to punchline territory, recent developments within North Korea’s military capabilities have brought the threat much closer to reality than ever before.  Now, Kim’s statement about turning the United States to “ash and darkness” aren’t so much fodder for slightly racist comedians, as they are true concerns for those living within striking distance from Pyongyang.

And, according to some experts, everyone is within Kim’s nuclear range.

That’s why both Hawaiian and Japanese citizens were ultimately spooked when ballistic missile alerts sounded within their respective homelands.  Hawaii’s alert came to cell phones via a system similar to the Amber Alert program, warning that an incoming ballistic missile was headed toward the Aloha State, and that “THIS IS NOT A DRILL”.  As it turns out, a training exercise gone wrong was to blame for the ensuing madness, that lasted 38 whole minutes without an official correction from authorities.

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Just days later, similar warnings were broadcast on Japanese television stations, sending many into a panic in a nation that has seen its fair share of North Korean nightmares screaming overhead.  This too was deemed a false alarm, in a bizarre incident that took place within 72 hours of Hawaii’s alert.

Now, a new kind of nuclear false alarm has struck in North Carolina, where an atomic power plant’s emergency siren was accidentally sounded, sending the local populace into a frenzy.

“The sirens that went off Friday afternoon at the Shearon Harris Nuclear Power Plant resulted from an accidental activation, authorities said.

“A spokesman for Duke Energy, which owns the plant in New Hill, N.C. in southern Wake County, said the energy company is investigating what prompted the alarms to sound shortly before 1 p.m. The sirens prompted a flurry of calls to WRAL News and posts on social media.

“‘This afternoon several sirens around the Harris Nuclear Plant malfunctioned, specifically near Apex and Cary,’ spokesman Brandon Thomas said in a written statement. ‘There is no impact to the public and no need for public actions.’

“The Apex Police Department tweeted around 1:15 p.m. that Wake County Emergency Management confirmed that the siren’s alarm system went off in error and there were no issues at the plant.”

Conspiracy theorists of the internet, (an understandably tenuous source of information), have long believed that these alarms aren’t simply accidents, rather, they believe that they are a coordinated attempt to desensitize Americans to the idea of nuclear disaster.  The hope is that, if an atomic catastrophe were to take place, these “crying wolf” alarms will keep the majority of the population from panicking in unison, allowing for more orderly preparations.

This is, of course, a bizarre theory that tends to believe that he government is a well oiled and benevolent machine capable of compassion in the fact of disaster – something that we all must realize simply cannot be true.

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