Gene Simmons

KISS Army King Gets Court Martialed By Fox News, Banned FOR LIFE!

With 2017 quickly turning into an American sexual awakening, at least in terms of harassment, there seems to be no shortage of perverse accusations to go around.

What began when the previously untouchable Harvey Weinstein was finally rocked by allegations by over sixty women has now trickled down into some of the lower echelons of the entertainment industry, and has permeated deeply into the democratic party.  Weinstein, a Hollywood mogul with intense ties to the democratic party, was merely the harbinger for things to come.  Dozens upon dozens of sexual predators now stand accused by possibly thousands of victims, marking one of the largest cultural revolutions in our modern age.

Where Hollywood and politics combine, there has been no shortage of turmoil.  Saturday Night Live cast member turned Senator Al Franken was yesterday’s headline, as illicit photos of the politician groping a sleeping female journalist surfaced.

Now the music industry’s time for reckoning may be upon us as well, as Fox News has been forced to issue a statement regarding the discontinued inclusion of KISS bassist Gene Simmons in their programming.

“Kiss frontman Gene Simmons has been banned for life from Fox News after he apparently burst into a staff meeting, tore opened his shirt, and shouted, ‘Hey chicks, sue me!’ This was followed up with pedophilia jokes about Michael Jackson, two staffers getting bopped on the head with the 68-year-old’s new book, and insults about their intelligence.

“All of this apparently happened on Wednesday after Simmons recorded an interview with Fox Business star Maria Bartiromo to promote his book.

“Naturally, Bartiromo asked Simmons about the Harvey Weinstein scandal, and because he is Gene Simmons, he responded with, ‘The lunatics have taken over the insane asylum when respected business entities such as yourself ask guys that like to stick their tongues out what I think of Harvey Weinstein.’

“He added, ‘Okay, I’m a powerful and attractive man, and what I’m about to say is deadly serious. Men are jackasses. From the time we’re young we have testosterone. I’m not validating it or defending it.’”

Simmons has seemingly missed the point entirely, thoroughly cementing the end of the washed up rocker’s career once again.

KISS, and Simmons in particular, have been clinging to stardom through a series of inexplicably poor business decisions, including bizarre publicity stunts conducted simply to keep the aging musicians’ names in the headlines.  Whether or not Simmons’ Wednesday debacle was a calculated attempt at finding the limelight or merely the poor judgement of an elderly celebrity may never be fully known.

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