North Korea

Kim’s Occult Camping Trip Ends in Spooky Execution of Right Hand Man

As if the idea of a possible conflict with North Korea weren’t frightening enough, Kim Jong Un has taken things to a whole new level this week.

Over the course of the last year, Americans have become all too familiar with the quirks of the “supreme” leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un.  The dainty despot has thrust himself wholeheartedly into the U.S. culture with his incessant threats of annihilation, the newfound successes of his weapons testing, and the horrific tales of abuse and torture that have surrounded his Hitler-esque use of concentration camps to enslave and murder his own people.

Now, it looks as though the tiny tyrant has even more in common with history’s most hated man :  A strange obsession with the occult and superstition.

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Hitler was a well known weirdo long before the end of World War II exposed his widespread atrocities to the world.  He and a handful of his commanding officers were well versed in the ideas of spirituality, idol worship, and the magical ancient mythos that gave rise to some of Hitler’s most bizarre objectives concerning supposed Aryan purity.

Not to be outdone by an art school reject from Austria, Kim Jong Un has recently executed the second most powerful man in North Korea after consulting with a magical mountain at a private retreat.

“A TOP aide of Kim Jong-un, once described as the ‘second-most powerful man in North Korea’, has disappeared from public life, sparking speculation he may have been executed by death squads.

“General Hwang Pyong-so once held the most senior military position in the hermit state as a Vice-Marshall after the supreme leader.

“But now he has been expelled from the party for “taking bribes” and not been seen since October.

“Last week Kim visited Korea’s most mystical mountain, Mount Paektu – something he typically does before ordering the death of his top brass.

“He was also there in April 2015, just before executing former defence chief Hyon Yong-chol, and in November 2013, before disposing of his own uncle Jang Song-thaek among other top officials.

“’Kim Jong-un is following in his father’s footsteps in visiting the mountain at times of important decisions regarding the state,’ a South Korean government insider said to Korea Joongang Daily.”

For years, humanitarian groups have been attempting to call attention to the bizarre and inhumane actions of the Kim dynasty, and their incredibly strange daily business.  Still, many in the global community are unaware of the tiny Asian nation’s horrific track record on human rights – something that doesn’t bode well for the optics after a possible U.S. strike against Kim.

By spreading awareness of Kim Jong Un’s completely unhinged behavior, (he’s killing to appease a mountain, for goodness’ sake), there is the distinct possibility of calling enough attention to these atrocities to make a difference.  North Korean citizens, who could soon find themselves thrust into an unfamiliar and enormous world, have been living under the thumb of a man possessed for years.  Their coming assimilation into the international community will not be an easy one, but understanding their previous situation will help all of us welcome them correctly.

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