How do you want to Die?

I was recently having a very deep conversation with a friend when the subject of death came up. We came up with a lot of ways we did NOT want to die and both agreed we wanted to go quietly in our sleep. According to, 1 in 8 Americans die in their sleep so we might have a shot at it.

Some of the ways we do NOT want to die are actually kind of easy to avoid:

  • If you don’t want to get eaten by a shark- Stay out of the ocean and pray that Sharknado is just a really bad Sci-Fi movie

  • If you don’t want to die by burning to death- Have plenty of fire extinguishers handy, don’t own a grill, avoid open flames, spray clothes with flame retardant, make sure to keep your smoke detectors working properly, stay out of Salem if you’re a witch, etc.  OKay the list is really long for this one but considering how awful this death is we are more than willing to take all of the precautions we can.

  • If you don’t want to die from falling- Stay off of ladders, Bungee cords and parachutes are a no no, get Life Alert, and stay on the ground (with your Life Alert).

  • Lethal Injection- Don’t be a murderous bonehead

  • Radiation- Keep the X-rays to a minimum, Pray that cancer and WW3 are not in your future, and NEVER piss off Putin

  • Choking- Chew your food, Keep an Epipen handy, don’t put coins or other weird objects in your mouth, and have a friend who knows the Heimlich maneuver properly.

The most common cause of death in America is heart disease followed closely by cancer.

According to Forbes:

The American Heart Association had $774 million dollars in Revenue.

The American Cancer Society had $816 million.

The Mars Corporation has $33 BILLION in revenue.

According to  M&Ms have been linked to cancer and a whole bunch of other stuff. So maybe if we put down the junk we are spending so much money on we can at least try to avoid the biggest killer of all.

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