hurricane

Fake News Infiltrates The Weather Channel as Florence Fizzles

In one of the more feel-good stories of the week, Hurricane Florence has thankfully defied early predictions of mass catastrophe, landing in the Carolinas as a category 1 storm.

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That’s not to say that the storm wasn’t dangerous, however.  In fact, the storm was deadly, but many lives were spared due to the fortuitous fizzling out that Florence experienced.

The only downside to this weather miracle was that it made for bad television, as evidenced by the poorly concealed disappointment of the mainstream media, who had spent a whole lot of money flying assets into the region in order to gamble on the possibly dramatic coverage that may ensue.

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For employees of the Weather Channel, who undoubtedly liken hurricanes to events like Black Friday, this mediocre storm simply couldn’t be allowed to pass without some sort of hysteria.  That’s where this fake news angle comes into play:

Let me explain folks:  The people on TV get paid to keep you on the edge of your seat, as they only make money when you stay through the commercials.  This is a precise and deceptive tactic used to keep advertisers happy, and we should all be tuning in to the channels with a heavy dose of cynicism because of this.

Today, it’s the weather channel leaning into the wind in order to make us worry about our fellow Americans.  Tomorrow, it’s Don Lemon’s crocodile tears in primetime.

Friends.  Compatriots.  Americans.  Shut the TV off.

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