In America today, there are three distinct cults that a great many U.S. citizens belong to, and I am proud to say that I myself am a full-fledged member of one of them.
The three organizations to which I’m referring are the Cult of Veganism, the Cult of Crossfit, and The Cult of Pit Bull Parents. Given the amount of weight that I carry around my waist in bacon cheeseburgers, it’s fairly obvious that I’m a dog guy.
Cats never did it for me. Too fickle, perhaps, and the felines that I grew up around just did not care for me one bit. I’ve had my share of lingering cuts and scratches on my forearms, thank you very much.
When it comes to Veganism, I simply don’t believe that abstaining from meat and animal byproducts is the way to achieve my best self or pursue happiness. Now, I’m not going to knock anyone for their own personal beliefs, after all, that’s what makes America so diverse and interesting, but I will say that being an actual vegan isn’t as simple as just changing your chow-time habits and setting suede aside. It’s actually nearly impossible:
And that’s just one species of deliciousness.
As for Crossfit and other creepy group workouts…I am just fine exercising on my own, and it’s a whole lot less expensive than the $120 per month it costs to buy sweaty friends at a hipster gym.
When it comes to Pit Bulls, however, I am far more vicious than any of the dogs that I love. In fact, we have to realize that the Pit Bull might just be the most patriotic and important dog in American history, as well as one of the friendliest.
If you’ll recall, in the 70’s and 80’s, pit bulls were barely spoken of. During that time, the nation was concerned about Dobermans and Rottweilers being the “senselessly dangerous” canine companions littering America, (no pun intended). Soon, these breeds gave way to German Shepherds and Chow-Chows of the 90’s. Then came the Pit Bull around the turn of the millennia.
This has literally always been a game of public perception, and not of reality.
In reality, there’s no such thing as a “Pit Bull”. The term refers to a set of breeds, or the characteristics of specific dogs – and that all depends on the human interpreting the data. “Pit Bulls”, as you may know them, are almost always American Staffordshire Terriers, American Bulldogs, Staffordshire Bull Terriers, or any dog with a wide, blocky head, a large, smile-like mouth, and a muscular frame. (This will include a number of Boxer and bulldog mixes as well).
Furthermore, there is literally zero evidence that these physical characteristics have any sway over a dog’s behavior. This is like saying that tall people are always more aggressive than short people, or that stocky young men are inherently evil as opposed to skinny kids.
It’s a pretty asinine assumption, wouldn’t you agree?
Then why is it that Delta Airlines is now banning so-called “Pit Bulls” as support animals?
The airline quietly updated its service and support animal policy in March following a nearly 85 percent increase in cases of dogs urinating, defecating, or biting employees.
“We struggled with the decision to expand the ban to service animals, knowing that some customers have legitimate needs, but we have determined that untrained, pit bull-type dogs posing as both service and support animals are a potential safety risk,” Delta said in a statement.
Kathryn Hurley, who helps run a dog rescue service in Los Angeles, says the policy update is nonsense.
“I understand that people abuse the [emotional support animals] rule and actually side with tightening up restrictions to make sure dogs are well behaved, trained, and needed but banning a breed is and always will be completely ignorant, unhelpful and discriminatory,” she told the Los Angeles Times.
First of all, who is Delta to decide what animals constitute “service” animals? They are not training the dogs, nor are they evaluating the dogs that have been trained. Delta has one job: Don’t kill me after I pay you a ton of money to sit in a seat you own. That’s it. There are no veterinarians on staff, and certainly no dog behavior experts among your ranks.
I know this because your absurd breed ban would never have made it to reality if you had done even the laziest amount of research allowable.
And Delta loves to tout their support of the armed services, but now they’re saying that they would have kicked Sergeant Stubby off of a flight?
Oh, in case anyone was wondering, Southwest Airlines is running some pretty great deals this week.