Cuba Attempts to Blame Cicadas for Acoustic Attacks on U.S. Diplomats

The United States and Cuba have had a distinctly tricky relationship over the course of the last few decades, and there seems to be no sign of that strangeness slowing down.

Former President Barack Obama “normalized” relations with Cuba during his lame duck term, with the peculiar branding given to the change denoting the mystery surrounding why and how things were actually going to be different going forward.  The idea was that Americans would soon be able to visit Cuba as tourists, trade between the U.S. and the island nation would slowly ramp back up, and you wouldn’t be forced to smoke your Havana-made stogie on the last day of your cruise if all went to plan.

Instead, Cuba decided to antagonize American diplomats over the course of the last year using a variety of nefarious acoustic weapons aimed at these dignitaries and their families.  When called to the carpet regarding their hostile antics, Cuba took offense at the suggestion and promised to launch an investigation into the incident.

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In classic Cuba fashion, the report generated from the investigation showed no wrongdoing on the part of the Cuban government or military, and insinuated that these highly trained American diplomats simply mistook the sounds of crickets and cicadas for the nauseating and unforgettable side effects of acoustic attacks.

“The rogue communist regime of Cuba published an extensive report and hour-long documentary claiming that the sonic attacks on U.S. diplomats that occurred throughout the past year never happened, and that the diplomats involved mistook insect noises for sonic weapons.

“The report also accuses Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL), a Cuban-American, of orchestrating a conspiracy against the Cuban regime to elevate his position in Washington and thwart what Havana claims would be otherwise thriving bilateral relations.

“The report does not address the Castro regime’s decades-long history of harassing and tormenting diplomats from nations it considers adversarial, particularly Americans and Canadians.

“Referring to cicadas and crickets, the Cuban state propaganda outlet Granma reports, ‘Cuban investigators proved, through a deep study, the similarities between the sonic examples handed to them and the sounds of these insects.’

“’These results were presented to American counterparts as the plausible cause of some of the sonic incidents reported,’ Granma states. The report claims that the two insects are common throughout Cuba and ‘were identified in the field test executed in areas near the residences of the American diplomats.’”

Excuse us while we scrape the barnyard excrement off of our shoes.

Cuban leaders must be absolutely delusional to believe that the United States will simply accept this explanation as it was presented.  They must have forgotten that the capitulation antics of Barack Obama ended 10 months ago when President Donald Trump was sworn into office.


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