Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has been missing from the campaign trail since he delivered a well-received speech before AIPAC Monday. In fact, he doesn’t have any events scheduled until the day of the Wisconsin primary.
This peculiar vanishing act has caused pundits to speculate. Some have suggested that Trump is feeling a pang of guilt after his nasty attack on Heidi Cruz, while others believe he’s simply being a bit puckish.
Trump, being the maverick he is, can be difficult to read–but you’re in luck. I have the exclusive scoop on why Trump disappeared, what’s going to happen next, and why it will totally change the election equation.
According to my anonymous source with ears inside the Trump campaign, there’s an astonishing reason the Donald has hidden himself from the public. The presidential front-runner is pregnant.
Trump’s erratic behavior isn’t anything new. However, it’s wasn’t until recent months that I noticed his increasingly jarring mood swings. I’ve also taken note of his fragile mental state, which seems more prone to bruising than ever before.
Look at the evidence. Trump went from comparing rival Ben Carson to a child molester to securing the good doctor’s endorsement in a matter of months. He took an unnecessarily mean swipe at ally Chris Christie just last week. He’s all over the map.
My source tells me Trump’s behavior is due in large part to recent hormonal changes:
“Donald’s never had a child before. He’s totally new to the experience, and all the emotional difficulty that comes with pregnancy. It actually wasn’t until Trump let Ben Carson in on the big secret that the doctor decided to forgive, forget, and endorse.”
But it gets even better. Trumps has asked Dr. Carson to help him through the pregnancy. It seems fate brought them together for a reason.
For his part, Christie understands the deal:
“Chris took Donald out to a five-star restaurant after the insult, and told him that no matter what, they’re in this together. From what I hear, Donald wept, grabbed Chris’ hand, and apologized for what he said.”
Christie allegedly wiped a single tear from Trump’s cheek, then, in an apparent reference to Trump’s favorite movie, said:
“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
Trump rolled his eyes, laughed, and they got back on the trail. My source tells me that the relationship between Christie and Trump is simply a very strong bromance, and nothing more.
The controversy comes because at the moment, Trump doesn’t know who the father is. Apparently, until DNA tests are run on at least five different men, they won’t know for sure.
Unfortunately, the baby bump has started to show, which caused Trump’s withdrawal from the campaign trail this week.
Announcing an unplanned, out-of-wedlock pregnancy would be political suicide for the business mogul, especially with evangelical voters, who have turned out in droves to vote for him. It’s just another kick in the back that the father is an unknown factor at the moment.
Allegedly, the campaign’s current plan is to take Donald out of his typical suit/tie combo, and dress him in more billowy clothes to mask his growing belly. He’s likely going to wear a flowing muumuu and several spring scarves in Wisconsin Tuesday. As for the colors? No one’s sure just yet–though orange is a strong favorite.
The campaign will claim that the new look is simply a winter-to-spring wardrobe refresh, but now you know the truth. Trump’s “new look” is a massive coverup for an indiscretion the businessman believes will fatally damage his presidential aspirations.